A life less comfortable

The other day while painting the Envision center with Leanne I found myself saying, "Yeah, it's been hard, really hard, but worth it."  In that moment I realized it was true.  What a gift!  In the recent past I've had thought patterns that run a rut around the same mountain of thought, that mountain being all the difficult and heart-wrenching challenges of the past few years.  And it's been truly the most challenging time in my adult life.  But here I am with different thought patterns running around a different mountain of thought, that mountain being gratitude. The reason Leanne and I were painting at the Envision center is because Envision is leaving Gabon.  The rented house that has been home to Envision for the last five years or so needs to be painted by Gabonese law before returning to it's owners at the end of an occupancy.  It seems a bit backwards to have the renters responsible for the interior painting instead of the owners, but that is j...

So Steve has strongly encouraged me to write a blog.  He's just looking out for me.  He loves me.  In fact last night as I lay in bed, with sleep eluding me, I marveled at his love for me.  We've been married 19 years and he still makes me feel beautiful and witty and wise.  I'm not trying to brag but I am married to a stud pilot with stunning blue eyes that sparkle with humor more often than not.  He just gets better with age. That being said life lately has been somewhat challenging.  My latest challenges being that I have become a facebook stalker trolling the profiles of my kids (and I must admit, sheepishly, also their friends) for any photos or comments that shed a bit of light of their far away life in Cameroon.  This is the third year we have taken them to a foreign country and moved them into a home and then either driven or flown away.  It still seems crazy to me.  I love the people my kids have become.  They are funny a...

We slipped the surly bonds and took flight last Thursday morning with a couple of kids from Hope House, the home for at risk and orphaned kids here in Libreville.  Henrica is a beautiful 15 year old girl who many years ago was hit by a car which knocked out one front tooth and seriously tattered the other front tooth.  Since then she has covered her smile.  Our good friend and dentist, Paul Kruth, from York Alliance Church came out in February and said it would be an easy fix but would need to be done at Bongolo.  Famou was with us as well.  A year or so ago Famou was in a serious bus accident killing 10 of his fellow passengers.  Famou broke his tibia and it was set wrong by medical personel here.  He needs surgery to re-break his tibia and have pins put in to allow the bone to heal correctly.  He is 18 and we had a guardian, Flavienne, come along with him as he needs to stay at the hospital for a couple of weeks before he can head back to Librev...

                  Holy Sonnet 14 Batter my heart, three-personed God;  for You As yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend; That I may rise, and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend Your force, to break, blow, burn and make me new. I, like an usurped town, to another due, Labor to admit You, but O, to no end, Reason Your viceroy in me, me should defend,  But is captived, and proves weak or untrue. Yet dearly I love You, and would be loved fain, But I am betrothed unto Your enemy. Divorce me, untie, or break that knot again; Take me to You, imprison me, for I, Except You enthral me, never shall be free, Nor ever chaste, except You ravish me.                      -- John Donne Dear friends it has nearly been a month since last I wrote.  I am continuing to surrender and accept God each new day.  God is speaking to me and it is wondrously amazing. ...

I've been memorizing Romans 12: 1-2 and focusing on the renewing of my mind, asking God to transform my thought patterns.  Robert S. Miller echos my prayers in saying, "I asked God to deliver me from looping thoughts that were leading me around the same mountain and filling me with heaviness and despair."  Since my epiphany I have been steadfast in praying and seeking after God with an attitude of surrender and acceptance.  It has brought a new level of peace.   In other news I am missing my kiddos with an aching longing.  I got to speak with Joe for 88 minutes the other day and it was glorious, I used nearly $40.00 in phone credit but it was well worth it.  With their busy school schedules and power outages and internet issues talking with them can be challenging.  I am proud of my kids and the way they are thriving in Cameroon.  Their school and hostel are providing great opportunities of growth and care.  Even though Steve and I aren't ...

I had an epiphany yesterday.  It was in fact a banner day for me my dear friend Leanne pointed out as we wrapped up our LIFE group meeting last night.  I have been struggling and wrestling with God for a long, long time now. The subject being peace or more precisely a lack there of.  I know from reading the Word of God that God does give peace to his people, a peace that passes understanding and I have experienced that peace many times in my life.  It is a gift that I seek out and bask in whole-heartedly.  Lacking that peace has caused many sleepless nights and frustrated prayers and conversations. When I first began to pray about whether or not we should move to Gabon God was curiously silent.  I wrestled for about three months asking God to direct and lead us as we sought out answers on moving to Gabon.  Finally one day after listening to a Derek Webb song entitled "New Law" that ends with Webb singing 16 times, "do not be afraid" I cried out to Go...

"Lectio divina is the strenuous effort that the christian community gives to rehydrating the Scriptures so that they are capable of holding their own original shape in the heat of the day, maintaining their context long enough to get fused with or assimilated into our context, the world we inhabit, the clamor of voices in the daily weather and work in which we live" -- Eugene Peterson "Eat this book" Confession- I struggle to read the Bible in an alive and vibrant fashion, often I am left dehydrated after reading "living water".  I have felt frustrated and have often given up only to try again.  Don't get me wrong, I believe in the Bible and I believe it has the way, the truth and the light within it's covers.  I just struggle to unlock the life that I know lives in the Word of God.  I have experienced it from time to time.  I have faith and believe but my ability to stay tuned into and focused on the printed Word of God is often anemic.  I know ...