I am avoiding cleaning out our back bathroom. It has this really ugly wooden closet that is literally falling apart and holds all kinds of medicines and bathroom stuff. The odor of the closet is repelling. The bathroom itself is functional but far from any place you'd want to spend time in. So I read a book. I planned English class for today. I washed dishes. And all the while that back bathroom mocks me. It is winning at keeping me distant and disgusted at myself for not just tackling the disfunction. I mean it's only a bathroom filled with bathroom stuff. I was supposed to start on it yesterday and I successfully avoided it. So today to put it off again I logged onto my email. There in my inbox was a blog I subscribe to entitled, "Life is Messy". Don't I know it! I don't want to open up that ugly stinky closet and clean it out. I don't want to deal with all the expired junk. Who knows there might even be a mouse or two! Also it's really hot in there. There are no fans to stir the sticky humid air. The cat's litter boxes are in there. I have English class in less than an hour so I can't possibly begin sorting through the mess... I'll just deal with it later. Maybe tonight...
The blog ends with stating the first step in dealing with the mess is admitting the mess and admitting the mess gets us closer to grace. I realize the blog is talking about deeper spiritual messes that lurk within, dark, smelly, crumbling, interior closets filled with junk that must go. And dealing with interior junk is a life-long process. Little by little we must be about letting the light shine in and expose all that is hidden. We must allow growth and change to be part of the process. Otherwise we are left procrastinating and stagnating. And like stagnant water it neither refreshes nor quenches but instead sickens and might even lead to death.
Pray that I will have the fortitude to sort and deep clean all the junk that is languishing within and without.
Even as I write these words my cat is tossing and batting at a large-ish dead lizard right beside me. The lizard is tailless and soon to be eaten. What a bloody mess! Hope the cat doesn't vomit up partially digested lizard.... he's done it before and will certainly do it again... UGH.
I hear the little pathetic cat retches now... I'm afraid to look. I've decided not to look. I've got an English class to teach! No time for partially digested lizard vomit now.