to mask or not to mask...

In my previous blog I shared my story of being COVID-19 positive. You can read it here if you missed it: https://alacecatherine.blogspot.com/2020/07/covid-19-positive-in-equatorial.html?fbclid=IwAR3-xINEoaE-ggdbHwSKXZ6g9b9MPZkSRkXyRQeqDaRcU9IwaE0C371wf_I

So many taken-for-granted personal and collective liberties have been narrowed in the last months - life as we knew it had suddenly and without warning been ripped away like the proverbial rug being pulled out from underneath us. Our day to day has changed, graduations and celebrations have been canceled, families and friends have been distanced and simple things like going to work, going to church, going out to eat and getting a haircut has become headlining news and fodder for aggressively angry online arguments. Friends and families have become divided over ideologies and how to move forward in these dastardly days of division on almost all levels. It's been grievous and jarring. It's left us all reeling and searching for equilibrium. 

Add to that marches and riots in the wake of the trauma-inducing videos and images of George Floyd being murdered in broad daylight by an officer of the law. Racism in the United States has come screaming to the forefront of our cultural landscape... So much pain and outrage and grief has come bubbling up to the surface. 

I just had to pause to allow the towering churning wave of grief and sadness to crash against my tattered and torn sense of "truth, justice and the American way." 

In a few short months we have been drawn out to the deep cold sea by vicious rip currents. We are tired of fighting against the constant pulsing-pull of trying to stay upright and oxygenated. We have taken in saltwater and been dumped on the abrasive sands of a broken shoreline sputtering our rage at being so painfully tossed about. Political leadership in the midst of all this has further torn the fabric of culture and ideology. It seems no area of life has been untouched by angry division.

And who am I to speak into this toxic environment of discontent? I'm not especially bright or insightful. I'm a legal alien on another continent in a distant country far across the sea. 

And, now, here I am- sick with the very virus that seemingly tipped the globe and spun it off it's axis. And I just found out that someone I was around just hours before my initial fever has tested positive for COVID. I live in a tight community in a very remote and isolated area. We as a community have taken this pandemic seriously and have adopted daily safety procedures to try and curb the spread of this virus. All that being said I was not wearing a mask when I was around the person that has tested positive. I relaxed my mask-wearing moments when I felt I was around "safe" people. We had had our first COVID positive patient at the hospital just days before and I was weary after months of taking strict anti-virus actions. Well, it turns out I wasn't as safe as I thought I was and I am the one that potentially spread this virus to my friend.

Masks are uncomfortable and annoying, especially when it's hot outside. Maybe you don't know anyone personally who has gotten sick with COVID (like me until very recently) and it all seems like an over-blown overreaction to a new virus that is strikingly similar to the familiar flu. Normal life has been hi-jacked by this pandemic and enough is enough. I get it. I can understand the frustration. And now I get to feel all kinds of Typhoid Mary feelings right now. I regret not wearing my mask that day. I wish I had been more vigilant. 

Could the mask have made all the difference really? Is the science matching up? Do we have such assurances that wearing a mask is really making much of a difference? 

All I know is I live and work with some really smart, dedicated and highly educated medical doctors. They wear their masks. They are real doctors and I don't even play one on tv. All I know is if I had been wearing my mask that day at least I could have the comfort of knowing I did all I could to contain the virus. It would be a small comfort to me. Instead I am left feeling unclean and guilty. My friend who tested positive doesn't blame me. But in an effort to be totally candid with you all, I wish I had worn my mask because it sucks to feel this way. 

I think what bothers me most is when I read social media posts from church-going Christians that seemingly want to die on the hill of personal liberties over selfless collective care. It seems this virus has exposed the ugly underbelly of American Individualism and it's profound influence on cultural christianity. Can we not suffer just a little bit for the sake of others? Is it contrary to the gospel to put others first - especially the most vulnerable? How does turning the other cheek look in this time and place in history? I can't imagine it looks like angry raised white-knuckled fists raging against mask-wearing and insisting that racism isn't a reality in America and the world-over. 

I am recovering but it is slow and just the other night after doing some dishes I felt light-headed and my vision dimmed a bit. I had to lay down and it took a few minutes for my heart to slow to a normal rhythm. It got my attention and, for the rest of that night, my chest felt tight and not normal. Anxious thoughts swirled about and fearful wonderments sparked in my brain. I'm ok and my breathing is normal but I still have a tightness in my chest from time to time. Most people recover after getting this virus with no lasting affects. Some have recovered but will have lasting health issues for the foreseeable future and others have lost their lives. 

Isn't it a small thing to wear a mask? I mean other than it being uncomfortable and annoying. Isn't it worth being temporarily uncomfortable and annoyed when others' health are at risk? When your own health is at risk? What if you or one of your loved ones are among that small percentage that have a more serious case of COVID?

Exposed

by Sarah Bourns

We’ve all been exposed.

Not necessarily to the virus

(though maybe…who knows)

We’ve all been exposed BY the virus.

Corona is exposing us.

Exposing our weak sides.

Exposing our dark sides.

Exposing what normally lies far beneath the surface of our souls,

hidden by the invisible masks we wear.

Now exposed by the paper masks we can’t hide far enough behind.

Corona is exposing our addiction to comfort.

Our obsession with control.

Our compulsion to hoard.

Our protection of self.

Corona is peeling back our layers.

Tearing down our walls.

Revealing our illusions.

Leveling our best-laid plans.

Corona is exposing the gods we worship:

Our health

Our hurry

Our sense of security.

Our favorite lies

Our secret lusts

Our misplaced trust.

Corona is calling everything into question:

What is the church without a building?

What is my worth without an income?

How do we plan without certainty?

How do we love despite risk?

Corona is exposing me.

My mindless numbing

My endless scrolling

My careless words

My fragile nerves.

We’ve all been exposed.

Our junk laid bare.

Our fears made known.

The band-aid torn.

The masquerade done.

So what now? What’s left?

Clean hands

Clear eyes

Tender hearts.

What Corona reveals, God can heal.

Come Lord Jesus.

Have mercy on us.